These Advice given by A Father That Rescued Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the reality soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader inability to communicate among men, who still absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."